Triangulation - Is it ruining your team?
Triangulation - This could be affecting your team. Are you doing it?
Triangulation can create a toxic culture at work
It may seem like blowing off steam or venting a bit of frustration to a coworker or peer, but it can quickly turn into what Family Therapists call “triangulation”. Triangulation is a concept from family systems theory, particularly in the context of marriage and family therapy. It involves a situation where communication or conflict between two people is redirected through a third person.
Triangulation in the workplace occurs when a third party is drawn into a conflict or communication between two others, not to mediate, but as a substitute for direct communication. This could manifest in various ways, such as an employee discussing a grievance about a coworker with another team member instead of addressing the coworker directly, or by involving higher management unnecessarily. Or more subtly but perhaps more dangerous, when a boss complains to a trusted subordinate about another subordinate.
Unchecked, triangulation can be dangerous to cultures, producing toxic gossip, cliques, poor communication and dysfunction. It erodes trust between team members and leadership. It promotes avoidance of accountability and responsibility that permeates an organization.
Here’s how to avoid triangulation as a leader:
Is what I’m doing (talking with a peer or co-worker about a problem) avoiding an actual issue? Ask yourself if you are willing to directly confront a problem or not? If not, talking about it with a co-worker starts to lean towards triangulation and may indicate a larger issue of not addressing challenging situations.
Encourage open communication - Accepting disconfirming or uncomfortable information will make it more safe for your team to address conflict directly.
Make sure you and your team know how to productively handle conflict. This may involved teaching some direct training and modeling proper behavior yourself as the leader
Create boundaries to gently but firmly encourage your teams to handle conflict directly with the persons involved. Of course there are things that must involve you as the leader, but often most conflict can be solved through direct conversation with the parties involved.
Here’s what to do if you get drawn into triangulation:
If you are pulled into a conversation where your boss or coworker has a grievance about one of your co-workers, a few careful questions can prompt the appropriate reflection. Something like, “That sounds like a tough situation, have you talked with him/her about it?” Or, “This may be something you could address directly with so and so, they’d probably appreciate knowing how you feel.”
Triangulation can subtly but substantially impact your team's cohesion and productivity. By fostering a culture that promotes direct communication and provides the tools necessary for effective conflict resolution, you can maintain a more harmonious and efficient workplace. Remember, the goal is not just to avoid conflict but to handle it in a way that strengthens relationships and the organizational framework.